Saturday, January 19, 2008

Time's Up

Time's Up

They sway freely through the air and find their way to me. With a gentle touch, they seem so warm and say, "Hello, so nice to meet you."

They insist. I resist. They persist. I give in. Let him in. He looks into my eyes and tells me he likes me "more than anyone." I wonder, "Is it true?"

I hear a chime…my phone again…the message reads, "Please get out of my head. You're absolutely amazing."

I smile as my fingertips return the gesture to let him know that I, too, am thinking of him.

Sometimes at night, they pulled me into his arms, a place i loved, as he whispered promises of tomorrow, with a musical here and a trip to nowhere, there.

A day, tic toc, 2 weeks, tic toc, 3 months, tic toc, go by and his fingertips seem distant, confused, cold and even a little scared.

The messages are less frequent, the phone no longer rings, the warm caress rarely there. And I tell myself, "It was just a matter of time."

A day, tic toc, 2 weeks, tic toc, go by. No calls, no messages, no emails, just questions on my mind. I check my phone, even though, this time I haven't heard a chime.

Saturday night at eleven pm, they say hello again. They trace my face, "Can we talk?" They touch my lips. "I'm not ready." They massage my back. "I can't."

I could have broken my silence by telling him about my pain. I could have asked about the promises of musicals, videos and tomorrows. Instead I said, "I understand."

They massage my body and find their way to my lips. A stream of emotion breaks their path. They seem confused. "We'll still be friends. I'm not going anywhere."

They touch my face but this time they seem so frigid. "I don't want to hurt you." Too late for that. The room gets cold. I wonder, "Did he ever care?"

Night becomes day, tic toc, I cry. Days become a week, and time slowly passes me by but in the end, I will be fine. That I know for sure.

You see, I realize now that it was nothing I said or did and as much as I like him, I love myself more. Times up, and I deserve closure.

No comments: